Martin (John Amplas), a young man who looks around 20-years-old, boards a train in Indianapolis, Indiana for New York. At night, he breaks into a sleeping car and sedates a woman with a syringe full of narcotics. She struggles, but he tells her not to struggle or be upset because she wont feel pain. After a few minutes, the woman falls asleep, and Martin has sex with the unconscious woman. Afterwards, he slices her wrists with a razor blade so he can drink her blood. The woman bleeds to death in her sleep.
In the morning, the train stops in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania where Martin disembarks. He is met by Tata Cuda (Lincoln Maazel) an elderly and hostile old man who claims to be his cousin from the Old World. Together, they travel by another train to the town of Braddock, a dying industrial suburb. They walk to Cuda's large house where he shows Martin his living quarters. Cuda then accuses Martin of being an 84-year-old vampire from his old country. He has taken in Martin because he is family, but tells him, "First I will save your soul. Then I shall destroy you." Martin denies being a vampire and implies that Cuda is merely his uncle rather than his cousin. Cuda then puts up strings of garlic on the doors to his and his granddaughter's room, and then holds up a small cross when Martin approaches him. Martin takes away the cross, and even takes a bite of the garlic mocking these attempts by saying bitterly, "There's no real magic... ever". Cuda tells Martin that he can come and go as he pleases. But he also warns Martin that he will kill him if he kills anyone in Braddock. He also tells Martin to stay away from his granddaughter Christine (Christine Forrest), whom arrives home from her job that evening.
Cuda introduces Christine to Martin, but also warns her to stay away from him. But Christine instead strikes up a friendship with Martin who confides in her about his vampire heritage. When Cuda later confirms Martin's claims to be a vampire, Christine, not surprisingly, refuses to believe either one. She thinks that Cuda and the other members of her family have driven Martin to insanity by making him think that he is a vampire. It is never revealed if Martin really is a vampire, or just a shy and lonely youth with troubled issues. Christine is the only person that Martin gets the courage to talk to. When Christine's boyfriend Arthur (Tom Savini) arrives at the house for dinner, Martin stops talking and backs away despite Arthur's attempt at a conversation. Christine later confides in Martin that she hopes to leave Braddock someday with Arthur, even though Martin points out that Arthur treats her badly and is both verbally and physically abusive towards her.
When Christine sees that Martin won't talk to anyone else, she buys him a phone which he installs in his room. Martin begins to repeatingly call a radio talk show where he describes what it's like to be a vampire. He becomes known on the radio as "the Count" to all the listeners. But the patronizing host (Michael Gornick) thinks he's just crazy.
Martin gets a job at Cuda's grocery store of stocking shelves, hauling boxes around, and even gets to be a delivery boy for some of the customers. One of his customers is a certain Abby Santini (Elyane Nadeau), who becomes taken in with Martin. She is a very friendly young woman who is depressed when she tells Martin that her husband is unfaithful. But Martin still does not have the nerve to talk with her, so she is happy to have someone to confide in with her life problems. Martin phones the radio show host to describe his infatuation with the housewife and senses that she wants to have sex with him. When the radio show host asks Martin if it is a sexual problem that he has involving women criticizing him during sex, Martin replies that he has never had sex with a woman who was awake.
One day, Martin travels by train to outside Braddock to look for victims. At a supermarket, he follows a young woman (Sarah Venable) home to her posh suburban house. He sees the woman's husband (Richard Rubenstein) leave for a long business trip, and Martin decides this would be the right time for more feeding. Martin returns to the house after dark and breaks in through the garage door. But it is Martin who gets the surprise when he bursts into her bedroom to find her in bed with her adulterous lover Lewis (Al Levitsky). After a vicious struggle, Martin jabs both of them with hyprodermic needles with narcotics, and waits for the drugs to take affect. He drags the unconscious body of Lewis from the house to a clump of trees across the street where he kills him by shoving a broken tree branch into his neck and drinks his blood. Martin returns to the house where he has sex with the unconscious woman. But out of compassion and pity, he decides to let her live.
Martin begins to have romantic monochrome visions of his vampire past (real or imagined), where he drained blood from a young woman and was chased through the streets of a nameless European town by a torch-lit mob.
During one Sunday at church, Cuda brings home Father Howard (George A. Romero) who asks him about the possibility of exorcism and demon possession. Father Howard calls upon the elderly Father Zulemans (Clifford Forrest, Jr.) over at Cuda's request. Together, Cuda and Zulemans confront Martin his bedroom and attempt to perform an exorcism on him. At this point, Martin remembers (another real or imaginary flashback), in the Old Country of people trying to perform an exorcism on him, and he flees them. Martin then flees from Cuda and Zuelmas as well. A little later that night, Martin terrorizes Cuda in a children's playground when he puts on a Dracula cape and puts false fangs into his mouth to pretend that he really is a vampire.
One day, Martin finally musters the courage to talk with Mrs. Santini during a routine delivery to her house where he tells her that he's aware of her attempts to seduce him and wants now to have sex with her. After having sex for the first time, Mrs. Santini becomes more depressed for she tells Martin that her husband just left her because she discovered that she cannot bear children, and that her desires towards him are based on sex and nothing else. But Martin wants to stay with her and help her move on with her life. Martin tells the radio show host about his affair with the housewife and that he no longer has the urge to attack other women.
Meanwhile, Arthur meets with Cuda and tells him that he wants Christine to leave town with him so they can get married and start a family. But Christine becomes angry at Cuda when he tells Arthur that insanity runs in their family and he shouldn't consider having children with her. Shortly afterwards, Christine packs up and leaves Braddock for New York with Arthur despite Martin telling her that Arthur is abusive towards her. But her mind is made up. Before leaving, Christine tells Martin that she really has no ill feelings towards him and just wants to make a fresh start with her life. She says goodbye to him and promises to write. But Martin knows that with an abusive and possessive man in Christine's life, she probably won't.
Depressed over losing his one true friend, Martin phones the radio show host and tells him that he's getting "shaky" and wants to go out looking for more victims. That night, Martin travels to a rough crime-ridden area of Pittsburgh and attacks two derelicts in a alley, injecting them with narcotics. He kills one of them by silting the bum's wrist and drinking his blood. Martin is about to kill the second one when a police car shows up and gives chase. Martin narrowly escapes during a long chase on foot which leads from the garbage strew streets and through a local store. Martin runs into an old warehouse where a drug deal is going down. A shootout between the two cops and the three thugs begins where all of them are killed, leaving Martin as the sole survivor who casually walks away from the carnage.
One day, Martin finds Mrs. Santini dead in her bathtub, after she had slit her writs with a razor blade. Martin anonymously calls the police to report the body and leaves. He phones the radio show host one final time to say that he really doesn't need friends or people to talk to for he is his own person. But when Cuda learns about Mrs. Santini's suicide, is mistakenly thinks Martin killed her and made it look like a suicide as he's done before. Cuda walks into Martin's room while he is asleep and kills him by hammering a wooden stake through Martin's heart.
Cuda buries Martin's body in his back garden, while over the closing credits various voices from people are heard talking to the radio show host asking the whereabouts of "the Count".
两万五的赎金不会将土耳其抵达，方可书写她此时此刻的有钱有闲状态最佳；
中年小时代。极其虚浮，看得我全程翻白眼，尬到如坐针毡。以及与女性主义无关，这是披着撒娇糖衣的男性视角电影，男人撒撒娇，装装深情，往后让一让，女性说一些俏皮话，就以为女性发声了，太他妈可笑了。请给郭敬明道歉。
奔着女性故事来的，而不是拼贴画！
马伊琍人到中年孩子不大事业有成，结果还得挤在妈妈的老破小，开场先滚一轮床单，又跟徐峥来回过招，人设也挺让人迷糊的。
上海小资情调的中年生活，全程聊天，没有完整商业化故事设计。
但又似乎踮踮脚也还够得着。
非常智慧有趣的轻喜剧爱情片，轻盈洒脱，机锋暗藏；描摹人情世态，臧否两性话题。如江南精致小菜，甜酸适口，淡有余味。我的年度惊喜华语电影之选！
方言之于一部城市主义的影片来说，只有魅力的加分，完全可忽略字幕的阻碍。敬佩导演的勇气和决心，敢于坚持“国产外语片”。对白很用心，没有烂梗、没有说教，是恰到好处的幽默感和生动自然的烟火气。记住了邵艺辉这位新人女导演/编剧，片中的几位新时代女性的人设立得落落大方，女性主义的表达方式也坦坦荡荡。演员都很到位，尤其要为周野芒和吴越爆灯。不追求爆笑，只求会心一笑。不是情绪大起大落的法官刺激，但在适当的时候还是会戳中你。不是光环加持的大人物神话，也不是处处碰壁的小人物笑话，是“我有一个朋友”那种普通但也值得与人说道的家常话。
离开罗马那天，老乌就死了，只是30多年才断气；太难去的地方就不要去了，世上无谓爱情神话，中年人选择不相信。
由于平原上的火焰撤档，所以才临时看这个，但是真的超出预期了，年近五十的人也可以好浪漫啊
春天去yeast喝咖啡，发现隔壁杂货店在换红色店招，说是徐峥要来拍电影。才发现原来就是爱情神话。虽然电影里这个上海人圈子离我很遥远，但终于也有人来拍拍给中年人的爱情生活了（跟倒数第二次恋爱还是有差距的哈哈
小资，我一直觉得北京的穷讲究和上海的瞎矫情是一回事，就是表现欲太强，但又没什么实质性的东西，所以倒腾来倒腾去不是“哪个季节的醋就什么馅的饺子”，就是“哪个欧洲国家的廉价酒配哪个弄堂的老糕点”。220201//
沪语的亲切感，上海的风情，没有造反过是不完整的，女导演镜头中的女性好自由，就像弄堂里的风
市井上海人×明星意大利人，门到一股海派米道。周野芒的故事如电影般迷离梦幻、亦真亦假——人生如影、影如人生。
但又似乎踮踮脚也还够得着。
俏皮，呵呵呵。可女主角李小姐变成了配角，成了工具人，变得莫名其妙起来。
年轻时多交几个文青做朋友，饭桌上打打机锋，不但预防老年痴呆，而且有人收尸，灵！
导演给自己刷三条5⭐可以吗？
1.一部很上海很洋气的电影，这个演员阵容，饭局上互飙演技也是棋逢对手了。倪虹洁还在秀身材，但是本短发控还是更喜欢马伊琍那种知性熟女。
但这种水平的片子都叫某些人这么嫉妒，建议你照照镜子，看看自己那张悲惨的脸。转行吧！
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